


Mistakes

by craterdweller



Series: Conversations [3]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s09e13 Ripple Effect, Episode: s09e18 Arthur's Mantle, Episode: s10e05 Uninvited, Episode: s10e06 200, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22673539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/craterdweller/pseuds/craterdweller
Summary: Jack overhears Sam telling her teammates about her almost kiss with Martouf in S09e13 Ripple Effect.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill, Samantha "Sam" Carter/Martouf
Series: Conversations [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622911
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48
Collections: Genprompt Bingo Round 17





	1. Overheard Confession

**Author's Note:**

> A bit more angst than others in this series. I've divided the story into chapters as each "conversation" is post a different episode.
> 
> I think I avoided bashing on Sam (I do love her character) but some of her choices in seasons 9 and 10 ...

“And then I almost kissed him.”

“Kissed, who?” Vala asked, leaning forward.

“If it hadn’t been for Kvasir, I think I would have, and maybe more.”

“Jack.”

Sam gave Daniel a puzzled look. “No, Martouf. Daniel, were you even listening?”

Daniel’s gaze was full of sympathy. It wasn’t until Sam noticed that Mitchell had jumped to attention that Sam registered something had just gone very wrong.

“Oh, god.” She covered her mouth and ran for the door, only to be stopped by Teal’c. She tried to shake free of his meaty arm, but her friend could be an immovable force when he wanted. “Let me go, Teal’c. I need to talk to him.”

“That would not be wise, Samantha Carter.”

“C’mon, princess. Let’s be somewhere else.” Mitchell tried to lead Vala from the room, but she stubbornly planted her feet.

“No, Samantha needs us.”

He tried to give Daniel an “I tried” look, but the archaeologist was too busy helping Teal’c calm Sam.

“Sam, you can’t talk to Jack until you know what you are going to say.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Daniel. I need to apologize.”

“Fine. But why were you going to kiss Martouf?”

“What?” She stopped struggling to stare at her friend.

“Has Jack done something to make you unhappy?”

“No. Why? Daniel—“

“Daniel Jackson is correct. Until you understand the reason you were about to kiss another man, speaking with O’Neill will only make things worse.”

Sam slumped onto the nearest stool and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know why I wanted to kiss Martouf. I love Jack. I can’t imagine my life without him.”

Daniel blew out a frustrated breath. “Well, why don’t you start at the beginning, what happened?”

“My feelings for Martouf have always been confused. I’m mean, I liked him and was attracted to him, but I was never sure if he felt the same towards me, or if it was only a transference of his feelings for Jolinar.”

Daniel nodded.

“Apparently, the alternate me had a thing with the alternate Martouf. They even lived together for a while.”

“So, you began to question whether the Martouf from this universe might have felt the same?” Mitchell asked.

Sam nodded. “I wanted to find out if my feelings for Martouf had been real.”

Daniel stiffened and backed away. “So, it was just an experiment?”

Sam flinched at the anger in her friend’s eyes. “Daniel?”

“What about Jack? Was he just an experiment too?”

“Jackson!” Mitchell stood angrily, and Teal’c took a menacing step forward.

Daniel held up his hands to halt their arguments. “Look, all I’m saying is that Jack deserves to be with someone who loves him.” He glared at Sam. “Jack may not be the most open guy, but his feelings run deep. And if you’re still not sure how you feel about him after all these years, then maybe you should let him go.” Daniel slammed the door on his way out.

“Wow. Are you alright, Samantha?” Vala asked.

“No.”

“Daniel Jackson will get under it,” Teal’c said.

“It’s over it, Teal’c. But what about Jack? What if he can’t forgive me? What have I done?”


	2. Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam visits Jack in Washinton post the events in s09e18 Arthur's Mantle. She wants to explain the almost kiss with Martouf.

Sam resisted the urge to snoop around Jack’s apartment again. Instead, she checked her watch—20:00 hours. _Please be stuck in a boring meeting and not out with someone new. Or old._ She pushed aside the mental image of Jack and Kerry Johnson.

A key turned in the deadbolt, and then Jack was coming through the door. His shoulder’s tensed before he let out a sigh. “Carter.”

Sam crossed the small living room in a few steps, wanting nothing more than to throw her arms around him and beg his forgiveness. But Jack’s posture screamed ‘stay back.’ “Jack,” she breathed. _God, she had missed him._

“What are you doing here?” He averted his gaze as he walked past her to the hall closet, where he hung up his jacket.

Sam closed her eyes. Jack O’Neill had raised his emotional walls and had dug a moat for an additional layer of protection. But she didn’t come all this way to give up without a fight. “I came to apologize.”

Jack flinched but recovered quickly. “You’ve no need to apologize, Carter.” He changed the subject, “Daniel said you and Mitchell had a pretty rough few days. Everything okay?”

“Damnit, Jack—I didn’t come here to talk about work! Drop the stupid act. I came here to apologize for almost kissing Martouf!”

Jack waved away her apology. “Like I said, not necessary. It was my mistake. I knew things would be complicated when Landry submitted the papers to make your reassignment permanent. I should have realized—“ He stared down at the carpet.

“Realized what?” Sam whispered.

He looked at her with abject devastation. “It was never going to work with us. You deserve better.”

She fled to the bathroom and locked the door. Slumping to the floor, she sobbed into her crossed arms. Jack’s reason for refusing her calls these past four weeks was apparent. He couldn’t forgive her. They were over.

Sam heard Jack’s muffled voice through the door as he spoke on the phone. Straining hard, she made out the word, Daniel. She calmed herself to hear better.

“Sam locked herself in the bathroom. I didn’t do anything—I told her she didn’t need to apologize. Look, Daniel, can you just come over? Don’t hang up!’

“I won’t take but a few minutes, and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

Jack spun at the sound of her voice. He must not have heard her enter the living room. He dropped his cellphone onto the sofa. “Carter—“

“You used to call me, Sam.” She felt the tears welling in her eyes again. “I never meant to hurt you, Jack. Things escalated quickly. One minute Janet was alive, and right in front of me, and then Martouf—” She swiped at her tears. “My brain knew it wasn’t really them, but my heart missed them both so much.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Sam.” Jack’s voice was soft, but he wasn’t looking at her.

She heard Daniel’s angry voice in her head, “Tell him everything, Sam, or you really will lose him forever.” She glanced nervously around the room, her eyes landing on a decanter of single malt whiskey. “Do you think I could have a glass?”

Jack looked at her warily before pouring them both two fingers of the amber liquid. He perched on the edge of the sofa, his attention focused on the contents of his glass.

Sam sat on the oak coffee table in front of him, their knees not quite touching. Downing her drink in one swig, she coughed as the whiskey burned her throat on the way down. “Things with Martouf had always been complicated. Jolinar’s memories of him were so strong—”

Jack shifted back into the cushions increasing the physical and emotional distance between them. Jolinar would forever be a touchy subject with him. She took Jack’s glass and set it down beside her, grabbing his hands in her own. “I won’t lie to you and say that I didn’t find Martouf attractive.”

“Would it have gone further?”

Jack’s question took her by surprise, but he must have seen her confusion. She almost missed his next one; it was asked so quietly. “Further than a kiss?”

 _Would I have gone further if there had been a spark?_ Sam wanted to deny it immediately, but in truth, she wasn’t sure. “I don’t know.”

Jack pulled his hands free and walked back over to the decanter. “Would you have told me?”

“Jack, nothing happened.” She stood up, intending to close the distance between them, but she was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Daniel. The _Daedalus_ must have beamed him over.

“I need some time, Carter.” Instead of inviting their friend in, Jack stood in the open doorway.

“Of course.” Sam risked a final look back, but Jack had already shut the door.

“Are you okay, Sam?”

She sniffed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Daniel remained silent until they reached the elevator. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

She straightened her back and put on her best game face. _Carter’s don’t cry._ But she could no longer conjure up the mental image of a stern Jacob Carter issuing that ridiculous sentiment. She slumped against the rear wall of the elevator car. Dad had liked Jack—once he’d gotten to know him. _I wish you were here, Dad. I really messed up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack's emotional walls are up.


	3. Surprise Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel informs Sam that Jack has been invited to Mitchell's surprise party. Takes place between S10e05 Uninvited and s10e06 "200"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daniel gives Sam a few words of advice.

Sam looked up when she saw a shadow cross her door. _Daniel_. Her teammates meant well, but their attempts to distract her this last week had been anything but subtle.

“Knock knock.”

Sam was about to plaster on a fake smile when she noticed Daniel’s frown. “Hey, Daniel.”

He closed the door to her lab. “Uh, Landry invited Jack to Mitchell’s party.”

Sam closed her eyes. She knew this day would come. The SGC reported to Homeworld, as did Area51, and all of Earth’s space fleet. It was only a matter of time before she would have to interact with Jack. She resumed her examination of the object brought back by SG-11.

“Jack said he could make an excuse if you wanted.”

Sam slammed down the artifact onto her lab bench. “I’m not the one avoiding calls!” She slumped onto the stool. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to be at the cabin without him?”

Daniel took a seat across from her. “This might be a good time to talk to him, Sam. The fact that he called me to ask if you’d be okay with him coming—he could have just made an excuse.”

“Did he sound like he was still mad?”

Daniel rubbed his forehead. “He was never angry, Sam. Look, I know you’ve been spending a lot of time with Vala—promise me you won’t let her talk you into some crazy scheme to make Jack jealous.”

Sam’s eyes widened in innocence.

“Sam—“

“Relax, Daniel. I wasn’t seriously thinking about it, but he hasn’t returned any of my calls or emails. I was beginning to feel a little desperate.”

‘Well, I think you know better than anyone, that if Jack thought you were interested in someone else, he would step aside.”

Sam sighed. “Yeah, he could be so stubborn about everything else. I never knew why he wouldn’t —“

“Because unlike every other man you’ve been with, Jack’s main concern is that you’re happy.” Daniel held up a hand to silence her protest. “You’ve always been the one to set the boundaries, Sam, and Jack loves you enough to let you go if he thinks that is what you want.”

“I don’t want to lose him, Daniel, but I’m worried that I already have.”

Daniel patted her hand as he rose to leave. “Jack has never thought he was good enough for you. Maybe you can start there.”

_Brace yourself, Jack. Carters don’t quit, and I am not going to give up on us without a fight._


	4. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jack talk at Mitchell's "200" party.

Sam scooched closer to Jack as they sat in front of the campfire. Somehow the entire SGC had kept secret the surprise party for Mitchell’s two hundredth trip through the gate. Sam had stuck to Jack like glue, afraid that if she let him out of her sight that he would slink off back to Washington. But everyone had been so excited to see him, Sam hadn’t had a chance to talk to him yet. Moments ago, Vala had dragged Daniel onto the makeshift dance floor, and Teal’c had discreetly followed, leaving the two alone. “Would you—” She cleared her throat and tried again. “Walk with me?”

Jack hesitated. Sam feared he was going to refuse before he gave her a slight nod and followed her down to the water’s edge. SG-3 had reported the planet as uninhabited, so Sam wondered why Jack’s eyes kept scanning the perimeter. _Old habits, maybe_.

“No need to fire up the gossip mill.” Jack quipped, but the grin didn’t reach his eyes.

_What the hell is his problem?_ “ I’m sure you’re reputation will be intact, Sir,” Sam spat as she strode ahead.

He caught up quickly. “Where the hell are you going? I thought you wanted me to walk with you?”

Her eyes blazed. “That was before I knew you were too embarrassed to be seen with me!” She stormed off again. This time she refused to stop when he called out to her.

Jack grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. He recoiled as she raised her fist as if to strike him. He backed off immediately. “My mistake, Colonel.” Shoulders slumped, he retraced their steps.

_What the hell am I doing?_ “Jack, wait!”

He kept walking, forcing Sam to jog to catch up. “Jack, please.”

He stopped but would not look at her. “I’m too old for this shit, Carter. Just say whatever it is you have to say to me.” He kicked a small rock into the tide.

“Can we go over to those rocks?” Sam pointed to a jetty she had noticed earlier about a half klick down the shore. It offered a degree of privacy, yet was still within line of sight of the other party-goers.

Jack followed mutely, keeping a respectful distance. He hesitated only a second before scrabbling up the rocks to join her.

Noticing his clenched jaw muscles, Sam got straight to the point. “I wanted to know if there would be a spark.” She shrugged. “Probably the same reason you kissed alternate me.”

Jack’s eyes widened comically. If Sam had to guess, and she didn’t, Jack was hiding something.

“Wait! Did you do more than kiss her? Oh my god!” She covered her mouth and looked away.

“What? No, of course not! Besides, that’s why I waited until seconds before the loop restarted.”

“Wait. How many alternate me have you kissed!”

Jack rubbed at the back of his neck. “Look, Sam, if it makes you feel any better, I handed Hammond my resignation first.”

“Resignation, why? The other Sam wasn’t even in the Air Force!”

“Of course you were. Teal’c and I relived the same loop over and over, but the rest of you were the same. You weren’t alternates, you were you. Frasier kept blinding me with that damn penlight of hers.” He stopped grumbling when he realized Sam had not said anything.

“You kissed me during one of the time loops?” Her eyes narrowed. “That’s why you had that smug look on your face during breakfast. I can’t believe you did that!” She hurled a pebble into the surf.

“Isn’t that what I just said. Wait, what time were you talking about?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, Jack, your hands are just like his,” Sam said in an odd falsetto.

Jack looked at her sideways. “Samantha had lost her husband. She kept crying. I don’t do well when women cry, especially you.” He shifted his weight to his opposite hip, so he was leaning away from her. “I thought it might give her some closure so she could move on.” He looked pointedly at her. “And it did. That is hardly the same reason for you wanting to kiss Martouf.”

“Isn’t it?”

Jack sighed. “Sam, I’m not sure what you want from me here. I’ve already said, you’ve no reason to apologize. You loved Marty, and if things had turned out differently, well, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” He gestured between them, before rising to his feet. “I’m sorry Marty didn’t stay for you, Sam, but he wouldn’t have been the man you loved if he had.”

She closed her eyes as he leaned in, but instead of kissing her, like she’d wanted, he gave her a peck on the cheek. “Bye, Sam.”

_Wait. What?_ “Dammit, Jack! Where are you going?”

His wistful expression confused her until she remembered Daniel’s advice. “No. Don’t you dare, Jack O’Neill. Sit back down, so we can discuss this.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said, sit your stubborn ass on those rocks until I’ve had my say.”

Jack let out a sigh but complied.

“I’m not settling. And I know you find that hard to believe. But it’s true. I love you, Jack. So much it takes my breath away. And when I get scared, I do some really stupid stuff. Things that push you away.”

Jack shook his head.

“All of the other men in my life wanted to change me. Even Martouf. Maybe a part of him did love me,” Sam shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I know it wouldn’t have worked anyway.”

“How?”

“The other me was on maternity leave with your child.”

“Sam—“

She sniffed. “In Washington, you asked if I would have told you about Martouf, and I believe that I would because I’m my best me when I’m with you.” She wrinkled her nose. “Okay, that sounded better in my head. I understand if you can’t forgive me, but could I ask one favor?”

“What?”

“Kiss me like you did in the time loop? It’s not fair that you’re the only one who remembers.”

Jack pulled Sam to her feet. Then after gently cradling her face in his hands, he leaned in and kissed her. As he deepened the kiss, he dipped her, eliciting a surprised squeak. Sam clutched at his shoulder, pulling him close, never wanting to let him go. When they broke for air, he wore the same smug smile he’d had over breakfast all those years ago.

“Wow. And you kissed me like that in front of General Hammond?”

Jack chuckled. “And about a dozen other people. But, I resigned first, so we didn’t break any rules.” He looked down at his boots. “I knew I was out of line, Sam, and that you’d be furious if you found out. I was still going to tell you, but Daniel convinced me nothing good would come of it.”

Sam put a finger to his lips. “How did the loop me react?”

“You didn’t remember it —“

“No. I mean, did she kiss you back?”

“Yeah.”

“Like I did just now.”

Jack nodded.

“Well then, what she would have been mad about is that she didn’t have any memory of the most toe-curling kiss she’d ever received.”

Jack’s ears tinted pink. “We should, uh, get back, before Landry sends out a SAR.”

Sam grasped his hand. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“For what? Thinking about kissing someone else? Please tell me you don’t think me that much of a Neanderthal.” He brushed away a tear that had started to slide down her cheek.

“Does that mean?”

“Always.”

As they leaned in for another kiss, they heard Daniel calling out. “Sam. Jack. It’s time to go back.”

Sam buried her face into Jack’s shoulder. He worried briefly until he felt her body shaking with laughter. “He has the worst timing.” She twined her fingers with Jack’s.

General Landry, who was supervising the cleanup crew, looked up as they approached. Staring at their interlocked fingers, he stage whispered, “Oh, thank god. I don’t think we could have handled another day.”

Vala clapped. “Goody! Everyone loves a wedding!”

Jack froze.

“General O’Neill is looking a little pale,” Mitchell quipped.

“Indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The series isn't complete yet, and sorry for them being chronologically out of order.
> 
> Offline for a bit while I move, but I still plan on getting back to this series ASAP.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Angst GenPrompt Round 17


End file.
